Thursday, September 27, 2007

Bush to world: NCLB led to iPhone

W, speaking in NYC, related that NYC's gains are, in part, a function of NCLB. He forgot to mention that NCLB also led to the development of the iPhone - because if two things happen at the same time, one must have caused the other. Duh!

I'm convinced that NCLB is responsible for these phenomena, too, since they all happened after 2001:
  • Hannah Montana
  • A-Rod’s 53 home runs (Joe Torre closed the achievement gap)
  • Feist’s numerical prowess (Feist sings the song from the iPod commercial: 1-2-3-4-5-6-9-10. And NAEP math scores are up?)
  • The 2006 outbreak of e.coli in spinach (Ed Trust accuses Fairtest of poisoning crops to lower scores)
  • The Tour de France doping scandal (as Sherman Dorn wrote, Vi8gra for ur tests)
  • The rise of crystal meth (teachers, I know it's tough, but...)
Feel free to chime in, and I'll compile a master list.


loonyhiker said...

I guess he thinks that NCLB is the new wonder drug next to Prozac! I just don't understand why the politicians don't "get" it! Everyone I talk to (parents and teachers) know this is not the answer to all of our problems but where are they when it comes election time? Or is it because we have to always vote for the lesser of the 2 evils?

Anonymous said...

I think your logic is flawed. You have to allow for some time to elapse in order for NCLB to have an effect on a totally unrelated event. So I wouldn't attribute effects of NCLB on sports records, or natural disasters, or the like, until at least 2004. NCLB causing Hurricane Katrina, the closing down of Oldsmobile, or the falling price of plasma TV's, yes; NCLB effects on United Airlines bankruptcy, the outbreak of mad cow disease and the rise of the metrosexual in 2003, not so much.

Kate in Oklahoma said...

The Iraq War.
The opposition to the Iraq War (no, wait! That required *thinking* and NCLB is NOT about thinking!)

Anonymous said...

(1) Brad Pit and Jennifer Aniston's divorce

(2) The marriage of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline (not to mention the spawning)

(3) Lindsay Lohan's downfall from Parent Trap to Rehab

ed notes online said...

"NCLB also led to the development of the iPhone"

Probably connected in some way since Steve Jobs blamed all the ills of the schools on teacher unions.

Lyndon Johnson said...

Let's see - also responsible for:

1) Increased access to internets via broadband.

2) The dominance of the New England Patriots (recently revealed to be using cheating methods similar to those of educators).

3) Increased verbal content in entertainment (see death of Marcel Marceau).

4) Ability to catch perpetrators who sent anthrax through the mail in the U.S. Oh, wait - what? Really? Still? It's been five years... Oh, never mind. Moving on....

5) Hilary Swank's performance in Million Dollar Baby.

6) Children becoming increasingly bored, fat.

Anonymous said...

1) Dance Dance Revolution

2) Grom (yummy gelato in New York)

3) I second Katrina.

4) Dancing with the Stars

proofoflife said...

A rocking chair to fall asleep in during class, and dirty rugs full of fleas to keep the children awake!