Friday, November 16, 2007

Last Chance for NYC School Report Card Haiku Contest

our writers' workshop
activism by haiku
start a file on her

Yesterday, I set the goal of at least 6o haiku by the end of the day on Friday, and now we have 58! Push us over the edge. As promised, I'll format them as a lit mag so we all have a souvenir.

The haiku contest runs through the end of the day today (Friday) - I'll pick three I like and we'll vote next week. The only rules are the 5-7-5 syllable one, and to keep it playful and G rated.

Here are some submissions from yesterday:

The only numbers
that level the playing field
have a dollar sign
-Anonymous 10:54PM

Who would have thunk it?
A system that is worse than
No Child Left Behind
-Anonymous 10:38PM

It's only Kool-Aid
A little sip won't hurt you
said the Chancellor
-Anonymous 11:16PM


Anonymous said...

Data trapped inside
A monolithic nightmare
You are not my peer.

fjstats said...

Bad way to rate schools.
gives tests failing grade.

ed notes online said...

School grades, Joel and Mike
Destroy our poor little tyke(s)
Out! Out! wretched spot(s)

rachel said...

teach new york city
lions and tigers and bears
our wizard of oz

Doug Douglass said...

My school got an A
I never learned to Haiku
I read passages

Jenny said...

Grading schools. Why?
Test scores count for everything.
What about the kids?

Joel and Jim said...

After all this time
It's ready, its all online
The tricks for the fox

Anonymous said...

if those who can, teach
the schools who cannot got Fs
is starbucks hiring?

Ms. Miller said...

Bang-up job so far.
From city's usual suspects
Who is Al Shanker?

Anonymous said...

Work harder or else
My kids are not a letter
A smile on its side

senora X said...

que tonteria! (what nonsense)
noone mourns the wicked, si?
back to class for me

Sherman Dorn said...

Who knew Bloomberg, Klein,
et al. could falsify so?

Anonymous said...

Oh my, oh my, my
Antediluvian grade
Kick us when we’re down

bonnie said...

I'll report my crush
Joel, will you be my boyfriend?
But please don't grade me.

Leonie Haimson said...

I am too angry
to write a haiku today
they should all resign

Anonymous said...

Intro statistics
Regression analysis
removes confounders

Diana said...

This is the last straw.
(Or, if not, God save us from
the next fiasco.)

MDS. said...

A, B, C or D -
Who cares? It's all meaningless.
How existential!

JW said...

Data everywhere.
They eat numbers for breakfast,
But not to nourish.

Leonie Haimson said...

Haiku is too soft
Harakiri is better
That's what they deserve

Anonymous said...

The wise little tree
Bends with the strong winds and does
Not break easily

Anonymous said...

I don't have a desk
And my kids are bored to tears
Test them twice a day

Anonymous said...

grades under review
their unstoppable moxie
or hypocrisy

Anonymous said...

Confess your many
sins! And swear off guys in suits
That's the growth I want

ed notes online said...

Bad grades for good schools
Good grades a phone call away
Wylde, where are you now?

Joan M. said...

don't teach to the test
we got the message right quick
and we canceled art

Anonymous said...

Hit me with a stick
and I will dance forever
pay me for my A

Anonymous said...

Out pops a number
from behind the Tweed curtain
Will I have a job?

Anonymous said...

Step onto the scale
I'm fatter than my neighbor
So I'll get a C

jsnowden said...

Joel Klein is geat at
Running schools into the ground
While claiming success

Joel and JIm said...

Take a look inside
I'm not getting you schoolin
It's somethin' that rocks

eduwonkette said...

Here are mine from yesterday:

my school got an F
is joel klein out of his mind?
president bloomberg

report on this, please
a billionaire's bravado
thank you new york times

i hate statistics
remember stats 101
now i am in charge

an A at this school?
teachers here know the real deal
what a wake-up call

kathryn b said...

mr."In Charge" thinks:
a D? whatever happened to
grade inflation?

students say, we knew
it all along -- we don't have
books, shelves, doors, or desks.

teachers fume because
they don't have time to teach when
tested twice a month.

Anonymous said...

Why not give an F
to Bloomberg,Klein and New Visions
For ELL snub?


Anonymous said...

joel, control for this
ten kids' dads are in prison
not fair to compare

Anonymous said...

Oh cruel report card
How you reduce me to naught
Please don't harm my kids

Apple said...

in my first year, they
said teach to inspire; now
pray for good test scores

Anonymous said...

shrewd analysis
wavy hair and pilgrim hat
marry me 'wonkette!

NYC Educator said...

KIPP is for the birds,
200 hours a week
Who needs the hassle?

Poor Old Chancellor Klein
Couldn't get left behind
He had all his aides
give everyone grades,
and hoped that nobody would mind.

Anonymous said...

Bloomberg, Klein, Liebman
Masters of the universe
Have you ever taught?

Vicki C. said...

wrong is the new right
tests, the new education
ARIS, the new Xbox

ed notes online said...

Oh precious failed schools
Tweedle Dee, Tweddle Dum Dum
The failure is dem

Anonymous said...

Why am I the one
Whose grade is under review
Why isn't it you

Anonymous said...

teachers, listen up
throw sand into the gears, and
they won't hold us down.

Anonymous said...

Children and teachers
Go in the IBM box
And garbage comes out

barney said...

Shakespeare taught me of
a tale of sound and fury
signifies nothing

fjstats said...

New "merit pay" scheme--
85% test $core$--
Incentive to cheat.

eduwonkette said...

Yesterday's submission:

who should get an A?
duck duck duck duck duck duck duck
duck duck duck duck GOOSE!

Joel and Jim said...

one, cut out teachers
two, pay hi priced consultants
three, open rigged scores

nyc mom said...

to my son's teachers
to him you're a shining star
not just a C grade

Anonymous said...

mike won't ruin our schools
the audacity of hope
we will overcome

Anonymous said...

Finally! A grade
I was lost at sea but now
The North star is near

Anonymous said...

Who would have thunk it?
A system that is worse than
No Child Left Behind

Anonymous said...

The only numbers
that level the playing field
have a dollar sign

bill f. said...

And if you speak out?
"Hey, Joel Klein! Don't tase me, man!"
No pain means no gain

Anonymous said...

It's only Kool-Aid
A little sip won't hurt you
said the Chancellor

Anonymous said...

I know exactly
how much you have learned this year
Science is our friend

Joel and Jim said...

that's the way it's done
our junk in the aris box
our junk in a box

Anonymous said...

Amateur Night's spozed
to be at the Apollo
not at Tweed courthouse

mrs. caterpillar said...

down the rabbit hole
everything has a moral
if you can find it

haiku 61 said...

Haiku 61
The one that's more than 60
My own small protest

Anonymous said...

"KleinBerg Haiku Series"

Two peas in a pod

Two years more, these clods

out out out please God

Submitted by Just Me

Anonymous said...

My school got an A!
And I thought we were failing--
I was almost SURR!

Anonymous said...

My serenity
Change what I cannot accept
Reductive grading

17 (really 15) more years said...

I teach my students
Education is what counts
Not standardized tests

Anonymous said...

Here's Part 4!!!
Fade into the pub. Those huggable ICEsickles are scarfing down chickenwings, it truly is a sight to behold...

James "E. Turtle" - "Guys, I'm still wondering, what's a pension?"

"Kip Winger" - "Anybody have a wetnap? I got sauce on my t-shirt."

"Salad" the Barber - "If any of you guys eat that last chicken wing they'll be hell to pay. I'll call the boys."

"Un-Norm-al" Scott - "A penison is a bad thing created by Randi gives it's user the chicken pox, causes anorexia, and it promotes irritable bowel syndrome. Trust me, I know."

Petey "Bowtie" Lamphere - "You know what guys, I was just thinking, if I did get some of my building's merit pay, I could buy a lot of new bowties."

Jeff "Andy" Kaufman - "Petey...that's what makes you a TJCtard and not an ICEsickle, we buy t-shirts not ties. You should see my new Megadeath and Iron Maiden shirts...they are cool!"

"Woodhag" - "Where are those tofu chicken wings that I ordered?"

"Un-Norm-al" Scott - "I bet Randi snuck in the back and did something to them."

James "E. Turtle" - "She probably did. You know guys, I was wondering about something important...about these hot wings, you know what they say right? Hot on the way in, hot on the way out."

Jeff "Andy" Kaufman - "Let's be serious for a moment, we have a major problem coming up. What are we going to do about this candle light vigil at Tweed? That's bowling night!"

"Woodhag" - "Not for me, that's the night I work on my compost pile."

"Un-Norm-al" Scott - "Randi probably found out that that was ICE bowling night and she did it on purpose!"

"Salad" the Barber - "She definitely did, there are probably Unity hack spies in the pub right now, we should beat them to a pulp. Violence makes things right! Damn, I'm so ferocious, I'm so cool!"

Petey "Bowtie" Lamphere - "Guys it's almost Thanksgiving, let's be thankful. What are you guys thankful for? I'll start...I'm thankful that I just won that limited edition Pee Wee Herman bowtie on Ebay."

"Salad" the Barber - "I'm thankful for nuclear missles, ninja throwing stars, tasers, nunchucks, beartraps, and samurai swords."
"Un-Norm-al" Scott - "I'm thankful for turkey and stuffing. Randi better not sneak into the kitchen and put raisins in the stuffing this year."

"Woodhag" - "I'm thankful for tofu turkey, electric cars, and just being one of the ICE guys. It's fun to complain."
James "E. Turtle" - "I'm thankful for pensions. At least I think I am."

"Kip Winger" - "I'm thankful for Britney Spear's new album."

Anonymous said...

A little late...but

Data misconstrued--
Senior teacher now you're fired!
We need more tax cuts.